SKYPE HYPE

I just received my new Apple laptop computer.  I skyped my daughter, Frank and the grand boys.  They were all lying in bed in the master bedroom watching a Christmas movie.  What a kick in the butt to suddenly be there in the bedroom and able to see and hear them all at once it's just like that old movie "Being There." The best part was that I had their undying attention, a rarity when I visit them in person.  I will thoroughly enjoy it till the novelty wears off!!

The Eye Ball Saga

I will have to wait until this weekend to finally trim the tree and decorate our home.  

The plan was to do it last Sunday was interrupted by a strange vision episode.  While on the computer suddenly my eyesight became dramatically distorted with a brilliant light show.  I could only see about 10% out of my left eye, the rest was bordered by a huge shaky flashing neon interruption that lasted 45 minutes.  It reminded me of the movie "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly."  

After ruling out a stroke, my friend said it was a sign of a detached retina. My fact finding on google confirmed her diagnosis with a warning of a 24 hour window to repair the tear surgically or I could have permanent loss of vision in the affected eye.  

The next day I had a two hour intensive exam at an Eye Clinic with a retina specialist.  The good news is no torn retina, the bad news is it could be a brain tumor!  I will have an MRI on my brain this coming Monday.  Once we rule that out, the final probable diagnosis will be an optical migraine.  

Never a dull moment!  I would bet the house against the likelihood of a tumor as in "I don't have no stinking brain tumor."  I am hoping the worst of it will be having the MRI while not wearing a speck of make up or any kind of hair product,  gel or spray.  To make matters worse I will have only moments to get to my dental appointment, followed by a facial then a massage.  Typical female phobic response, wouldn't you say?  

Thank God I subscribe to the notion that 99% of the things we worry about never happen, it's a great mantra for lowering my blood pressure.

Lookout, the Holiday are coming!

It is still warm enough to swim in my pool and yet here comes Christmas. What a wonderfully warm October and November in Las Vegas we have enjoyed. I fear it is a sign of global climate change and desperately hope not to experience the same 10 or more, above normal temperature degrees during the summer of 2009. Hm, I wonder what our planet would now have looked like after 8 years of a President Al Gore?

Our turkey feast prepared by my stepson Billy and his lovely wife Bridgette was an exceptionally delightful culinary extravaganza. The gauntlet has been passed to the expertise of the two of them. His culinary skills combined with her welcoming gestures are a dynamic force that has no rival.

Ready or not, this weekend I will have my husband assist in dragging out all of the Christmas decorations. I love to decorate the tree and make one of a kind centerpieces for my tables. This years dilemma is exactly where to place the tree? The backyard make over will be blocked from view if we cover the french doors from the formal area as in years past. In the blink of an eye it will be 2009 and the sad ritualistic task of repacking the tree, lights and decorations will be upon us.

In spite of all the Thanksgiving and Christmas joy I cannot help but to think of my dearly departed mother and father. Such is the stuff of Holiday nostalgia. My mom has been gone for 8 short years and yet I miss her more now in many surprising ways. It comes out of nowhere, the ache for her presence at special moments. She would so get a charge out of her great grandsons. The night Obama won the election made me wish my dad had lived to experience the pride I know he would have felt. We have come so far in my life time. There is much in which to be thankful.

Finally Time to Exhale

After almost eight long tortuous years of Bush bungling, my body mind and spirit are getting the message that it's OK to breathe. At last an end to this global embarrassment and bastardization of all our founding fathers stood for so long ago. Behold the frosting on the victorious cake is even sweeter, for Barack Obama is soon to be our president, leader of the free world and living in the White House with his lovely family.

It has been a joyous honor to donate money and food, house staff, make phone calls, knock on doors, attend rallies, register voters and participate with like minded Americans.

Standing in a sea of strangers on November 4th, in front of a gigantic screen with the MS NBC live feed abruptly announcing the outcome of our long hard battle completely knocked me off my feet. I was not prepared for the intensity of this historic moment. The Rio ballroom exploded with screams, spine tingling chills, elation, thanksgiving, disbelief, unbridled emotion, gratitude and spiritual significance. I cried the ugly cry while hugging complete strangers unable to wrap my mind around the astounding news.

Hope and change prevailed, crushing Karl Rove tactics. exaggerations and outright lies. I have never been more proud of my country. Love, right mindedness, justice and intelligence has conquered fear, bigotry, greed, small mindedness and selfishness. The air feels cleaner, the sun shines brighter and for this moment all is right with our planet. I agree with the world consensus, it is good to be an American!

McMad and the Lip Glossed Barracuda

As the blow-back of the nasty McCain campaign shows in the national poles, I find my blood pressure dropping to low manageable rates without medication.

Who is driving their disastrous train wreck into the ground?

I fear dementia must surely be setting in for poor old John. His side kick Palin is the perfect running mate; he with decreased capacity and she with limited capacity.

This dynamic duo of phony self proclaimed maverick renegades have incited their political rallies into lynch mobs, calling Obama a "terrorist" and shouting "kill him." This is a new low even for the desperate republicans. At yesterdays debate McCain seemed to wander aimlessly in the background while Obama was speaking in a way that reminded me of Tim Conway doing old guy shtick on the Carol Burnette comedy show.

McCains behavior grows more erratic each week in contrast to Barack Obama's level headed, calm and insightful leadership. The McCains bolted on the audience immediately after the debate finished, while the remaining undecided voters gleefully took photos with the engaging charismatic Obamas.

John McCain is reaping his karmic reward for all the years he bragged about being a "deregulator." Now he finds himself with no where to hide except behind trumped up charges against Obama's character.

I will be so proud of this country when we finally elect Senator Barack Obama for President of the United States. From what I hear the rest of the free world will be celebrating with me.

I think this is a great summary of last nights debate;

~ If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help. ~

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Confused Liberal

Gloria Steinem said to the disappointed Hilary crowd, voting for Palin as revenge is like cutting off your legs because you didn't get the boots you wanted. I like the slogan, Jesus was a community organizer and Pontius Pilot a governor.

My daughter said maybe smart people should start having bigger families to create more logical voters. She thinks republicans vote on emotion and democrats on logic.

I find the hot topic of the right to choose what other people should do with their bodies, a privacy issue, creates a lot of emotion. That is very odd considering they claim to want less government control. Then their is the fear of gun owners, that taking an assault rifle out of the hands of a criminal or deranged soul might infringe on their deer hunting. My husband owns a lot of guns and is a republican turned non-partisan and now a registered democrat.

I am trying hard to get it. I just fear if we keep going in the same Bush like direction we won't be able to afford guns and there won't be any deer to kill. OK, a slight exaggeration. The other reasoning I hear from republicans is a genuine fear of having to pay for someone else to survive or offer a hand up to someone in need. They want to keep it all to themselves. How noble and "Christian" of them.

But then I am a raging left minded liberal. Yes, liberal is a dirty word to them. I am proud to be a liberal. The first comparison in the Thesaurus is "open minded" and then there is free thinking, tolerant and generous. Oh my, no wonder I am so wounded by that depiction.

The Facts vs. Bullshit

The main contrast between the democratic convention and the republican convention is one of great concern. While the democrats focus on possibility, repair, respect for the opposition, change, concrete plans, action and a positive out look for the future, the republicans are mean spirited, condescending, sarcastic, dismissive, vicious, whiny, stuck in the past, fear inducing, victim minded, inaccurate, lying and negative. 

You sure don't get the feeling the GOP is uplifting in any way, shape or form. Since they cannot take responsibility for the past sorrowful eight years that have led to a divided country and a disastrous economy, all they can do is rip Obama. Barack, on the other hand, always chooses the high road as he did when he immediately text messaged to all his staff  a threat of termination if they so much as breathe a word about the out of wedlock pregnancy of the Palin girl. 

It also is pathetic that they disguese themselves as agents of Green values when McCain delibertly voted against all eight attempts to pass a bill extending vital tax credits and production subsidies to expand our wind and solar industries in order to change our dependance on oil. Instead he supports lowering the gas tax to promote more consumption and addiction to oil that will eventually lead to higher prices at the pump and less preparation for the enevidible disaster that this false sence of security will bring to our country.

 Palin's comments touting "thanks but no thanks" for the bridge to nowhere,  "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending...and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress."  The facts tell a different story.  As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million.  In her two years as governor, Alaska requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, the opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

Former Governor Mike Huckabee said that Palin got more votes for running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States.  Another out right lie.  The republicans just make it up as they go along.  Truth is Palin got 616 votes in her 1996 mayor's election and 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1525.  Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia.

 Abraham Lincoln was not the founder of the republican party as Huckabee stated.  Lies, lies and more lies.

  No one mentions the economy or how voting with Bush more than 90% of the time justifys a shake up in Washington or earns him the self appointed title of MAVERICK. Bush and McCain the cowboy and the maverick! Just what we need more of in this country. Mission accomplished boys!

Change My Big Fat Ass!

OK, so I am watching the Republican convention like I said I would even though I have to hold my nose to do it.  

I am amazed at the audacity of John McCain and his pied pipers even suggesting that they might be some sort of vehicle of change in Washington.

  

Fred washed up Thompson clearing his throat 72 times during his speech last night.....isn't that one of the tell tale signs that someone is lying????  

I think we have just begun to uncover the true Sarah Palin. It now is being reported that the FBI has refuted claims that they did a background check on her in spite of the press release claiming otherwise.

 I can hardly wait to see the opening night of the new season of SNL.

Mr. Bluster starring John McCain

One of the greatest advantages of my new HD Sony Bravia 60 inch screen is it's unrelenting close up of peoples faces. I noticed it first on American Idol as it amused me to see how self conscious and uneasy Simon Cowell appears in contrast to the way I previously perceived him on my old large screen TV.

At the Democratic convention I could tell exactly when someone was reading the teleprompter. I tried to pick up on that during Obama's acceptance speech but could not. That in contrast to McCain looking down at his notes three times to introduce his VP pick. He even stopped to read her name from his cheat sheet.

His VP choice to uplift a female is contradicted by the crude joke he made about Chelsey, Hilary and Janet Reno before an audience of Republicans. It was considered too crude to print by most papers.

This decision reflects his alpha male need not to be upstaged by a more verile man standing beside him on the podium.

Now he has two past beauty contestants adoringly flanking him as he ineptly stumbles around his platform. What he is saying with this pick is "Come on you PUMAS here is an even younger person with a vagina that you can vote for in November".

He has underestimated the female brains ability to decipher issues from gender. Just one more nail in his out of touch coffin.

Torture the Idiotic Masses Manifesto

I wish it were mandatory to watch both political conventions like I do. Oh just maybe if I could tie a few resistant people up and tape their eyes open and make them sit in front of the television forcing them to listen to the inspiring words of Ted Kennedy or Michelle Obama this evening. But alas my little pipe dream is only the whimpering of a disappointed control freak. I can only hope that some voters wake up and realize how important this election on November 4th will be. If America hasn't yet learned it's lesson then I suppose John McCain will be elected. Four more painful years of greedy old men saying fuck you to progress and saving our ailing planet. If so, on the bright side, by next election water boarding will be legal and so widespread I can force people to do whatever I say. On second thought, no that won't help me feel any better either. I guess I'll just have to trust the universe and hope the outcome will be a reward not another 4 year sentence.

Head Noises

My need to post is waning or perhaps I have peaked in my manic faze. Summer sunlight can often put me on the ceiling, oh but what a ride for the adrenaline addicted souls of the world. The good news that coming back to earth brings is a softening of my heart. I see poignant beauty everywhere. Sappy as that sounds I am sure it is my sanity rebound.

Adding to my insanity is the back and front yard redo. It has been hard on my and Roger's nerve endings. The dust, mess, decisions, waiting, excruciating noises ( jack hammering of concrete, pounding of pavers and wet saw cutting) can drive one to drink although thankfully that hasn't happened. Any luck and the job will be completed by next week. Where is that rabbit's foot?

What has happened unfortunately is that my blood pressure has gone through the roof. Just another delightful aspect of growing old. I am trying to bring it down without meds. Not that I mind taking the poison that is prescribed for religious reasons. It is just those crappy side effects like having the energy and mobility of someone twice my age, inability to walk, severe leg pains and the new found need to diaper ones bottom. So I am using diet, exercise, bio feedback, meditation, prayer and wishful thinking instead. It is starting to work but I won't hold my breath, that will definitely make the numbers go up.

The Origin of Naughtiness

The mildew smell is competing with a strange sewer gas odor, emanating from the scary drain on the floor of the cellar. I quietly creep down the crude, open, unpainted, wooden stairway.  I stand facing our old Westinghouse front-loading wash machine in our poorly lit basement.  The hot moisture from the heavy load of towels magically draws me closer.  I wait patiently in anticipation.  And then it happens.  The spin  cycle starts and this previously stationary appliance now wildly begins it's irresistible, gyrating, mating dance.  I press my pelvis into the front door and hold on for dear life.  Oh heavenly angels, what the heck is this wonderful feeling?  And just as violently as it began it is suddenly over.  I am not sure exactly what just happened, I am only six years old.  I only know for certain that I will return to celebrate this hypnotic ritual again tomorrow.

The Bratty Clock that Spat on Me

My daughter, at the young age of 41 is starting to notice how fast time is passing.

I have heard that the longer you live the smaller the percentage of your life each passing year becomes. That means the sand in my time line is poring out in chunks of granite.

When I hear of an event that happened two or more decades ago but it seems to be a brief few years, I turn to my husband and say "Wow, we'll be dead before you know it!"

That is what bites the big one about aging. It pisses me off that this wonderful exciting journey is headed back down the hill towards home. I don't want to go but perhaps as I shimmy up to that door I will have changed my mind and be ready to accept my long death nap.

And just what would the alternative be to time flies? Oh yeah, time stood still.

Beginnings and Endings

The subject of how I began is a daunting one.   I can no more imagine what is was like before my mother and father created  me in one of their many passionate escapades, than I can grasp the enormity of my passing. 

 

What will be the nothingness after my trip through the intense spiritual bright white light?  Will I be floating around causing havoc for those still living misguided beings not yet thumped on the head by the karmic Gods? 

 

Or worse still, will I discover that I should have been a religious fanatic after all, once I come face to face with Allah or Jesus or God of the Wiccan?   Should I regret not being Muslin or a Buddhist?  Perhaps if only I were Jewish or Mormon  or a devout Roman Catholic.  

What a jolt to my system if I suddenly reincarnate in the body of a frequently prodded cow or a wayward starving coyote. 

 It is way too mind boggling for a mere mortal with delusions of grandeur  and an unrelenting need to feel special to absorb.

Poker Night with the Girls.

As if you can call 60 year old broads, GIRLS! We meet once a month with our $20.00 contribution so one of us can go home with a little extra cash. We take turns at our respective homes. I am hosting tonight.

It is truly amazing how we all show up. What ever our personalities, they are always reflected in the way we gamble and bid and bluff. I like to go big, so I usually am one of the first to sit out. I am such a die hard optimist that I always think I am holding the winning hand. The glass is always half full so my demeanor is most often misguided.

I don't really mind losing, I just love to win so much that I can be quite obnoxious in my mini celebration of good fortune. It doesn't make me well liked but I can't seem to control myself. Hmm the exact same problem I have with chocolate. 

Speaking of chocolate, poker night is just not about cards. Tonight began with pulled pork sandwiches,  a few hands of confusing "Oh I didn't realize I had a straight" chatter during Texas Hold 'em, a delightful cheese cake break (4 choices) an intense playoff (I lost) followed by a hilarious  session on the Wii Fit and kisses and hugs goodbye.  

The real winning is in the love we have for one another. The stories we share about the most intimate or mundane things fill me up with gleeful, rejoicing gratitude.  I am blessed to have so many wonderful, admirable, genuine, vulnerable woman in my life.

I cannot wait till next month!!

By the way all you true poker snobs...if you are wondering why all the chips are jumbled,  it's because we have found that the "girls" are way too dingy to make change, it's all we can do to remember to burn a card before turning.  So to make our nights easier we decided to give all chips the same value.  Got to squander our precious gray matter.

 

Unexpected Paybacks Come In All Sizes

This evening my grandson had his sixth birthday at Peter Piper Pizza. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the festivities.  When the time came for the guest of honor to open his presents, I wondered why my daughter Christine was allowing young Nickie to open his gifts while some of the adults and all of the children were off in the arcade area.

The mystery was solved after I witnessed a series of comments Nick fired off during his much anticipated, rabid ripping open of presents and cards.

Only halfway through the gift bag full of art supplies from his other grandparents, he abruptly stopped, announcing, "next present."

When he opened a musical card with "who left the dogs out? woof, woof!" playing he quickly informed all in earshot "Ah, I like the robot one a lot better."

Disappointed to unwrap a toy he owned he announced loudly, " I already have this one." My daughter told him that was rude and discreetly whispered that they would find out what store it came from and exchange it. He started to rise eagerly stating, "I'll go ask him" as Christine was quickly yanking him back to his seat.

Then as he realized the gift credit card in another envelope was for a book store, he sighed in a sing song monotone, "boring."

I was tearfully laughing so hard by the time he finished this side splitting display of exuberant, unbridled honesty, I thought I would pee myself.

My daughter lamented, "Yeah, it's real funny unless you are the mother."

I reminded Chrissy how demanding she used to be as a small child, later when we were alone in the parking lot. She reassured me, "Don't worry Mom, I am getting paid back in spades."

Grandchildren make life so worth living!

Going Green w/Chipping and Cigar Smoking Area

Someone on a network show today said that summer is almost over. Can that be possible? The kids will be back to school in a couple weeks I know.

My husband Roger and I are still getting bids on the front and back yard landscaping water smart redo, replacing the pool decking and patio with pavers and resurfacing the pool. I suspect that my husband's unrelenting eagerness is based more on his enthusiasm for his soon to be new artificial putting green and chipping area. (see future site of putting green on the right above)

Thankfully he spends a lot of time in the back yard chain cigar smoking, which I am sure also contributes to all of this new found excitement. (Not thankful he smokes, thankful it isn't inside)

With any luck the project should be ready for his birthday on September 1st. He deserves to squeeze all the passion and enjoyment he can muster out of the backyard during his remaining years. I look forward to watching him stand in the shade of his newly planted Canary Island palm tree while sinking a putt with a cigar hanging out of his mouth. (aka Phoenix palm)

PS. That isn't my cute bumbossity in the picture above although the resemblance is remarkably similar! Don't cha think?

Barack in Berlin

This is a photo I took  following my daughter Christine's introduction of Barack Obama earlier this year in Las Vegas.

I just read and listened to Obama's speech that he delivered in Berlin July 24th.  For that opportunity go to -

http://my.barackobama.com/berlinvideo

This is the truly the moment to join this brilliant man in creating a better world for all of us.

Caution, Oblivious Brain on Loudspeaker

A client at the salon suggested that it takes a certain personality to want to blog. I think she meant someone who is self disclosing enough that they have the urge to puke out every detail of their daily existence as if it matters.

For many I am sure my urge to do so must befuddle them. It helps to be slightly mad. Think of a volcano about to erupt. Such is the drive to share inconsequential details on a regular basis.

Bottom line I fear, is that nobody really cares. Does that stop me from describing the amazing color of a recent bowel movement or some irrelevant thought I had while bathing....I think not.

Mental illness takes many forms. Be gentle with me all you self contained, completely sane, private individuals. I argue that holding such madness in could be dangerous or perhaps even lethal. Ponder on the possibility of that ugly result while judging me so harshly.

And don't forget I am officially a senior citizen staring downhill at a gradual decline in memory and reason. Most important I suppose is that my need to regurgitate is far greater than my shame and pitiful notoriety.

The Dog That Would Be Cat

Two years ago I rescued a two year old Siberian Husky. I named her Princess Di because she was blond , blue eyed and regal. She was very much like an untamed wolf; jumped on all the furniture, would not come when called and if given the opportunity would dart out at lightning speed disappearing to unknown adventures for at least eight hours, then limp into a store with bloody pads on her feet so some stranger could read her name tag and call me, usually at 3 in the morning. Huskies are insane addicted runners looking for a sled to pull.

Princess is also the pickiest eater I have ever encountered, eating only meat or cheese. She will only sniff a cheese twist and turn away as if to say, "Processed food, you can't be serious." Keep in mind that dogs lick their own butts so how bad could a cheese twist taste or smell?

She is extremely independent, (I am used to Golden Retrievers) more like a cat than a dog, not the needy type at all. After two years of intensive training she will come if you call "cheese!" or if she thinks it is time for her beloved walk and finally stays off the furniture. (thanks to a motion detecting alarm I purchased off the internet)

She has a small family of stuffed toys consisting of a Dalmatian, teddy bear and bunny, which she constantly spreads throughout the house. She doesn't bark in the traditional sense, instead she communicates in her unique whelping human like demand reminding me that it is time for her walk and that I should get up off my fat ass and take her right now.

Princess is definitely the strangest dog I have ever owned but I wouldn't trade her for the world. She is after all a part of our family.

The Ultimate Payoff

Grandkids are definitely the reward for raising your own children. It tickles me to no end to hear of their many exploits. Imagining where their individual quirks and personalities might take them in the future provides for hours of guessing games with my husband. Matt's love of making money we hope molds him towards a Donald Trump type success and not bank robbery. Nickie's oppositional defiance could lead to any number of different directions. After all a streak of independence could be an advantage, I just hope I am still on the sidelines able to watch the anticipated outcome. Whatever they ultimately end up being I am sure I could not unconditionally love them a smidgen more than I do right now.

Blog Freak

Why blog you might wonder?

For me this is a new form of creativity. It's like publishing your own newspaper or magazine. You are the publisher, editor, reporter, editorial manager, fashion editor, photographer, art director and humorist.

You are the boss, the king, the lord and master of your very own domain. It is the perfect pastime for a control freak like me. I can't wait to post my next blog each day. To hell with simple journaling. Blogging is quick, fun, easy, therapeutic, and invigorating. It's an ego freak's way of falsely believing I am leaving my mark somewhere, anywhere! I think I also find exposing myself to be ever so slightly living on the edge.

At the very least it will be something to read at my wake. I blog therefore I am!!

Role Confusion

I just watched the first 8 episodes of "Mad Men"on AMC's free-zone. It takes place in the late fifties and early sixties. Wow, it is mind blowing to realize how far we have grown socially in my short lifetime. Woman's place was either married and in the home or single and sexually harassed at the office. No wonder it has taken us so long to shake the Cinderella syndrome nor is it surprising that men are often confused. Change has come so slowly that it has falsely appeared imperceivable. I highly recommend viewing this series as a history lesson or as a magnified peek at exactly how far our respective roles have transformed. I promise that if not entertaining it will at least provide a giant grateful sigh of relief. For me this has shed a huge light on our emerging generations. Young boys and girls, I envy you, your freedom. The good news is that we are headed in the right direction toward tolerance and acceptance and away from our stereotypical past.

Yes we can!

Tomorrow I will join many like minded citizens in an effort to elect Barack Obama president by attending the Campaign for Change Leadership Organizational Meeting here in Las Vegas.

I recently saw a video clip of a woman saying, last time I just assumed Kerry would win the race, this time I refuse to sit at home and hope.  This time I will do all I can.

  

My sentiments exactly, we cannot afford as a nation to have "Bush light" in the White House.  I refuse to remain silently inactive and merely keep my fingers crossed for change.  Thank God I am not alone in this endeavor. 

It cracks me up when people try to diminish Obama by casually admitting, "Yeah, he makes a good speech, big deal."  

When we open our mouths, what comes out is who we are.  It is the one thing that reflects our character, courage, sincerity, priorities and vision.  Barack is the real deal.  If any one can help undo the crater in which we are currently buried it is this great American visionary.

Instantanious Connections

Today a young pregnant woman stuck her head in my room at the salon to say what a great space it was. Within moments we were sharing intimate details of our mother's deaths.   I love to connect instantly with a stranger on such an elevated level. 

Her authenticity and heartfelt pain left me with a deeper appreciation of the human condition and our ability to speak the truth. 

I ache for her deceased mother's missed opportunity to experience her very first precious grandchild and the moment this young lady looks at her newborn and thinks, my mother could never have loved me this much, or could she have?    If present I would go way out on a limb and shout a resounding,   YES, YOU BET SHE DID!

Chocolate Endings

I am currently enrolled in a memoir writing class. Each session we have a different assignment, something to jog our memories of the distant past.

It seems as though the common denominator of all my ramblings revolve around my obsession with some version of chocolate. Something to look at indeed. All my life I have falsely prided myself on being complex. It is appalling to realize that the sum total of my very existence can be explained in one universally simple, common word.....CHOCOLATE! I now know that all has been diminished to my primary addiction....CANDY. All forms of CANDY; expensive, homemade, borrowed or stolen, I froth at the mouth at the very thought of a stale bag of candy corn.

I ponder revisiting therapy. What is to become of me??

Extreme Denial

Today is my wonderful, beautiful daughter Christine's forty first birthday.  It is another thump on the head that I must be getting older.  It is hard to deny your age when you have been  a teenage mom.  I envy my childless friends who can continue deceiving themselves year after year.  The mile marker for aging that I enjoy escapes them.  Of course there is always thinning hair, failing eyesight, drooping eyelids, teeth implants, sagging breasts, crows feet, puppet mouth, bladder urgency, increased clumsiness, hemorrhoids, an overloaded medicine cabinet, loss of memory and an out and out greater capacity for stupidity.  Now I feel better.  I happily celebrate the greatest day of my life, the day Christine Lynn was born.  She has surpassed all my expectations, is a stellar mom, extremely bright, deliciously considerate, loving and appreciative. Happy Birthday Sweetheart.  Your mother loves and adores you. 

Weight to Go

My friend Judy told me of this new wonderful way to lose pounds.  It's called the Five Bites Diet.  You can eat whatever you want but can only have five tiny bites, exactly like people who have had the stomach bypass surgery.  I guess she doesn't share my enthusiasm for stuffing yourself senseless.  I like to quit eating a half bite before passing out from a carb overload. So many problems come to mind.  Where does one go to get such small portions?  What do you do with the other 1,439 minutes in each day?  I would imagine bloody stool or nonstop vomiting or whatever are the consequences  of overindulging, might deter me from stealing that sixth bite, if I actually had a bypass.  I think I will have more success if I just hire some mafia hit man to kill me if I chomp down on bite number six. Hmm it's just not worth the risk, I'd rather be fat and still breathing.